New Scott Pruitt Scandal Generator Is Way Too Real

Scott Pruitt is so toxic he’s practically a Superfund unto himself. The Environmental Protection Agency administrator has been buffeted by myriad ethical scandals, from cozying up to those he’s supposed to keep in check to general press hostility, spending $24,450 to build a “privacy room”, unanswered FOIA requests, buying a bulletproof desk, and getting a senior aide to buy a used mattress. We at Earther even have a growing list of the administrator’s misdeeds to keep you routinely updated.

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With the headlines detailing Pruitt’s scandals growing ever more bizarre (witness his newly-unearthed obsession with Ritz-Carlton lotion), it’s hard to predict what outlandish offense we’ll hear about next. Which is why, after last night’s episode of the Daily Show with Trevor Noah put Pruitt on blast, the show released a Scott Pruitt Scandal Generator to try to foretell the next headline.

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The headlines are both hilarious and unsettling, because at this point, reality and parody have become so blurred that literally any of these scenarios is conceivable. Who knows, maybe a few of them have happened!

Some of the gems include:

  • “Scott Pruitt Asked Santa To Get Him A Lifetime Supply of Snickers Bars So He Could Work From Home”
  • “Scott Pruitt Convinced a Goth To Get Him A Bedazzled Jean Jacket So He Could Enjoy Himself!”
  • “Scott Pruitt Commanded an Octogenarian To Get Him Lightly Used Beats Headphones So He Could Impress His In-Laws”
  • “Scott Pruitt Poked a Facebook Friend To Get Him That Wu-Tang Album Shkreli Bought So He Could Create a Fake Identity”
  • “Scott Pruitt Enlisted an Aide To Get His Wife A Chick-Fil-A Franchise“

Oh, wait.

I was born a while ago and now I'm here. Pretty rad.

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DISCUSSION

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Do you ever wonder why it’s been so easy for republicans to kneecap environmental protection through government agency? Besides the utter fecklessness of not-for-profit non governmental agencies funded by corporations and wealthy folks whose wealth depends on profits from those corporation dabling in environmental and human health protection matters and whose nonprofit status hinges on cheeky communications efforts with sell-by-date humor that debases the science undergirding the subject. That, too, but the answer would be those behind the decision to put Scott Pruitt in the position of agency head tasked to protect human health and the environment. Scott Pruitt was put in the position for one reason and one reason alone - and that was to be a rodeo clown. A diversionary tactic. A well endowed cocktail waitress working the blackjack tables. A shiny object. A butt of a joke. Unfortunately, the joke’s on breezy communication medium for breezy 16 to 30 year olds who consume this cool breeze media. Pruitt is kicking ass at gutting the US EPA - regardless of the pratfalls and fuckups.

Focusing on Pruitt’s silliness without going into boring ass details of what exactly he and many behind him are doing is exactly what Trump and Company want Trevor Noah and the cool media to keep the focus on. I’m not saying the late night TV political humorists are feckless. But then again, we got Trump and some of the smartest meanest devious motherfuckers working behind the scenes fucking up drinking water standards right now.