I Am Absolutely Here for Dunkin's Fake-Ass Sausage Sandwiches

Illustration for article titled I Am Absolutely Here for Dunkin's Fake-Ass Sausage Sandwiches
Image: Dunkin’

Meat lovers and breakfast enthusiasts, we have some news. Dunkin’ announced this week that it’s teamed up with Beyond Meat to introduce a new sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich sans the meat, which is both great news for the planet as well as your stomach. And I, my friends, am fucking pumped for this fake-ass meat.


Let me back up a second: As someone who tries to avoid eating meat as much as possible, sausage puts me in a tricky position. There is nothing—nothing, I tell you!—as appetizing the morning after a long night as a sausage, egg, and cheese on an English muffin. Where others tout Pedialyte or smoothies as their go-to remedy for a mean hangover, I am absolutely certain this breakfast sandwich is the only known cure for a rough morning.

The bummer here is that meat is pretty bad for the planet, thanks to its abysmal carbon footprint. This has been a personal source of frustration for some time now, and I’d be willing to guess I’m not alone. Because let’s be honest: The at-home options don’t always pack the same punch as fast food joints, you know?

But the arrival of meat alternatives on restaurant menus—ones that actually taste good, a la the Impossible Burger or Del Taco’s Beyond Meat taco—has introduced a new way for many of us to enjoy the foods we love without the guilt of knowing that our sausage or burger habit is seriously harming our fragile planet. And Dunkin’ says swapping a non-meat patty into a breakfast staple is part of its push to be more sustainable across its operations.

“Sustainability is a key part of Dunkin’s growth, and a critical part of our journey is taking bigger, bolder action to be more sustainable in all the ways we operate,” the company said in a statement this week. “A key benefit of the Beyond Breakfast Sausage patty is that it is more sustainable for the environment than traditional meats as it requires less water, less land, generates fewer Greenhouse Gas Emissions, and requires less energy than a beef burger to produce.”

For its part, Beyond Meat claims that its Beyond Burger patty generates 90 percent fewer emissions, uses 99 percent less water and 46 percent less energy, and uses 93 percent less land than the real deal. Dunkin’ says the meat alternative patty is made up of “peas, mung beans, rice and sunflower to provide the protein and coconut oil to ensure juiciness.”

The burger itself is vegan, but obviously, a breakfast sandwich with egg and cheese is not. Dunkin’ said that if customers so choose, however, they can order the sandwich without the cheese and egg and just opt for the patty. Dunkin’ CEO Dave Hoffman told CNN Business that it’s exploring a fully vegan option but that the company wants “to make sure that as we roll this out, we can give the customer a chance to customize this.”


According to CNN Business, Dunkin’s Beyond Sausage breakfast sandwich is rolling out to 163 locations across Manhattan. Catch me in line for this fake as hell sausage.


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This competition between Beyond Foods and Impossible Foods certainly appears to be a ‘Win-Win-Win’ for most sides. Customers get an alternate food that, from the readings, appears to be MORE nutritious than the original, and Earth’s methane and carbon budget is set to scale down a bit as the demand for methane producing livestock shrinks a bit.

The losing side is probably going to be anyone invested in livestock, as I’d see a decrease in demand coming.  So bracing for a consolidation in the industry would be wise.